My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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