Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
