i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
