I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
