Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
