worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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