you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is my gift to your gina
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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