I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
be right there i have to get my cape
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
