They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
