The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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