i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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