Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
