Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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