you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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