yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
