I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
