and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We named our party play list daddy issues
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
