to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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