i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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