I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize