Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
