after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
