Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
