Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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