I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
