or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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