you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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