3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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