That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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