So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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