the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
