whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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