i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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