): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
