I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
