i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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