she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
