my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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