saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
