I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think people are normalizing furries
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
