the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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