READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
