i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
