Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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