saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
