yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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