Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
