alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
