He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize