We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
