i was born a porn star she said
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
