Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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