I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
