i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
