Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
