he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
