Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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