Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
honey bunches of taint.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
