dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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