Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
