We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
