idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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