Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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