I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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