Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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