I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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