Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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