chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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