Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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